


fueron tantas horas tan sólo y triste (hasta que te vi)

by diazevan



Series: spanish songs belong to buddie! [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post S03e12 Fools
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23642617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diazevan/pseuds/diazevan
Summary: “And you know, with Shannon? I saw it happening. Slowly, but it wasn’t really a surprise” Her name still burns when he says it, still hurts, but he has learned to be honest with what they were. “With you, it felt like it slipped through my fingers when I wasn’t looking”He knows it’s the beers and the moonlight, but putting it into words feels liberating.orEddie has feelings he is finally able to put into the words.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: spanish songs belong to buddie! [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616716
Comments: 11
Kudos: 268





	fueron tantas horas tan sólo y triste (hasta que te vi)

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO EVERYONE. This came out of the 'Eddie Diaz protection squad' talk on the Buddie discord and it's just a lot of feels. No beat, we die like men. Hope you liked it!  
> Song tittle by Dejate Amar by Kalimba

After they get home from the park, Christopher is completely ready to crash. Normally, Eddie tries to not let him go to sleep this early now that he is a little older, trying to give him a schedule, but he knows physical activity leaves him tired, even when him and Buck were beside him all the time. He had even made Carla run behind him for a while, what had given the two men the chance to go completely crazy with the photos. 

Eddie didn’t remember the last time he had smiled so hard. Probably since the Christmas party. 

Now, it’s just the two of them, working around the kitchen while they drink a couple of beers. Or maybe a little bit more than two. 

He feels relaxed and happy, calm for having put a smile on his kid’s face, so maybe that’s the reason that he goes to sit on the couch. Not even a minute after, Buck drops beside him, resting his arm on the back on the couch and Eddie is completely aware that, if he just moved a bit, he could press his head on Buck’s hand. In the end of a good day, he lets himself fall into temptation, instantly feeling how his best friend’s fingers accommodate to move softly on his hair. It almost makes him want to grow it again, so Buck has more room to play around. 

With that feeling of content, it’s also easier to follow Frank’s advice. The past few weeks, they have been discussing feelings, the need to communicate things that may be in the past, but still affect the present and the future. At this point, his therapy is not even subtle about the fact that they are, more than not, talking about his relationship with Buck. 

“I missed this” After their other talk a few days before, when they discussed the whole skateboarding incident, Eddie had come to session worried and guilty, but also feeling supported. He didn’t feel alone, even when Christopher was taking it only on him and he expressed that in session. 

Next time he felt that way, he was supposed to say it, so here he was. 

“What exactly did you miss, Eddie?” There is a light teasing tone that makes Eddie open his eyes, unsure when did he actually close them. He doesn’t complain, however, because Buck is giving him that soft smile that sometimes feels reserved only for him and Christopher. The one that makes his heart beat too fast and too slow at the same time. 

“You.  _ Us _ ” To make his point clear, he nudges Buck’s hand. “I’m grateful that we can get this after, you know, lawsuits and fights” 

The fact that he wants to talk about feelings now doesn’t mean he is an expert on how to do it in the blink of an eye. That’s painfully obvious when the smile on Buck’s lips disappear and his hand is already moving away from Eddie’s head, but he is quick to catch it with his own. 

“Hey,  _ no _ , I’m not saying it to make you feel bad” He does his best to keep his voice in the same soft tone they were using, so Buck knows he is not trying to start a fight. “I just… I guess I thought you should know how grateful I am that we got a day like this“ The other man doesn’t seem to believe him completely, but his shoulders relax a bit. “I’m glad that we are a family again” 

It’s always a mystery for Eddie how easily Buck lets his emotions run, like nothing bad can happen out of that. One second, he looks upset and the next, his face is so earnest that Eddie would had to sit down if he wasn’t already on the couch. 

“We never stopped, Eddie. Even when we were angry with each other,  _ that  _ never changed” 

And there it is again, that safe feeling that only Buck can give him now. It warms every part of him and rests in his heart, so solid that not an earthquake could move it away. 

Yet, his mind supplies that it  _ was  _ taken away, not so long ago. 

“It didn’t feel like that when you put the lawsuit” He sounds sad even to his own ears and that’s probably the reason that this time, Buck doesn’t try to move away from him. In fact, he moves closer. “Back then, I thought we were  _ us  _ and then it felt like I was alone,  _ again _ ” Absolutely every bone in his body told him to shut up, to stop before it was too late, but he was  _ so  _ tired to pretend Buck’s absence hadn’t break him in the middle. 

That this wasn’t just a best friend’s betrayal. 

“And you know, with Shannon? I saw it happening. Slowly, but it wasn’t really a surprise” Her name still burns when he says it, still hurts, but he has learned to be honest with what they were. “With you, it felt like it slipped through my fingers when I wasn’t looking” 

He knows it’s the beers and the moonlight, but putting it into words feels liberating. 

Buck’s face is doing a million things at the same time, but he sees his eyes shine and fuck, that was so not what he was expecting “Eddie,I… I thought I would lose you, I needed to fight to get back to  _ you _ ”

There is no more pretense that this is a group thing, that this between them was the main factor of everything had happened. 

He takes a moment to turn to their hands, that are still linked, and raises them to press a lingering kiss on them. It gives him a second to get back his voice “I know” Because he is always known, but was too much of a coward to admit it. Now, however, he is ready and even if it’s ugly, even if it’s hurt, he has to let it out. They both deserve it “But I didn’t get that. I didn’t get to fight for it” He shrugs, feels his own eyes burn uncomfortably “You were just gone” 

There had been so much confusion when it happened, so much hurt that was born out of it. Eddie didn’t understand when things started to go wrong, or what had he said to make Buck believe that he had to do that. Nothing made sense, nothing filled the space that the other man had left without so much of a doubt. He knew know why it happened but in that moment? It just destroyed him. 

He doesn’t know how or when, but suddenly Eddie is embraced by strong arms that put him against chest and he does nothing but breath deeply, feeling himself get lose in Buck’s scent.  _ Safe _ . “I’m sorry, Eddie. I’m really sorry” Buck has said sorry a million times, but for Eddie, it felt like the first time he actually knew why it had hurt so much. 

It’s almost  _ too much _ , but he moves his arms around the other man, moving slightly so he can hug him back. “Don’t ever stop talking to me” It’s almost a plea and he can’t be embarrassed for it. “Even if it’s bad, even if you are mad at me, just tell me. Give me a chance to fight for us” 

If Buck asked, Eddie would drop to his knees to beg. To ask him to never leave him side. 

But Buck loves him, loves him as much as Eddie loves him and when he speaks, his voice is also desperate and his hands clings to his back like he is scared he will disappear from his arms. “You don’t ever have to fight for me again, Eddie. I  _ promise _ ”

“Or you for me. For  _ us _ ” It feels important to put some distance, so those beautiful blue eyes can stare at his when he says this “We are your family, firefighter or not. Okay? We belong to you and you belong  _ to us _ ”

Buck’s eyes go impossibly softer at that and he exhales so deeply that Eddie sees all of his body losing a tension that he didn’t even know it was there. 

It dawns on him that this feeling of not belonging it’s the weight Buck’s been carrying. 

When Buck surge forward, like he can’t help himself, Eddie meets him in the middle. The kiss tastes like his special smile, the one that is warm and moves Eddie’s entire life to something better, always to something better. 

It’s something old and new, something unspoken and screamed into the air; Eddie feels like kissing was always something made for them. 

**Author's Note:**

> Canon? We don't know her.


End file.
